Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Another Tongue

"Do you want to get dinner tonight at that new Thai restaurant?" He asked.

"Yeah, that sounds good." She said.

"What sounds good?"

She stared at him, willing him to go on with that train of thought, to dare to tell her, once again, that she had simply misunderstood his words. "What?" She asked, not quite believing that this was happening once more.

"You said 'that sounds good,' but I asked whether you'd like to stay in and cook, or whether you want to go out somewhere, like maybe to the Thai restaurant." He blinked at her, daring her to call into question the logic he deemed infallible when compared to her feminine intuition and in-borne moodiness.

"No. Whatever. Thai. I'd like Thai." She raises her hands in the air, and lets them fall down, slapping them against her legs.

"You sure?" He cocks his head to the side and looks at her with wide, green eyes.

"Yes." She says through clenched teeth, not even remotely moved by the puppy dog stare.

"Okay, then."

It is another simple discussion gone horribly wrong. It ends alright. They'll eat Thai and move on to the next discussion, but it's just one more clear-cut example of the fact that she often wishes for a Him:Her translation guide.

He speaks another language. Luckily, he's told her himself that she has a knack for languages.

So, now, she'll buckle down and learn his, because, obviously, he's never going to learn hers.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Life According to Plan

"Originally, she thought, "I wanted to meet someone in college, date him for several months and then bring him home to meet everyone." She thought this on her way back to her apartment after a dinner with her parents and her boyfriend of a mere six weeks.

"I wanted to know him inside and out before I let him loose with my family. Who knows what he'll say? Who knows how he'll behave."

She certainly didn't know, couldn't predict yet how he might react to a given situation. And, she worries, people sometimes want to hold her responsible for his behavior, as if she could make him say "thank you" more often, when, really, she knows he just wasn't brought up that way.

She does know this, though, he's very different than she thought he was. Different in a better way. She worried he'd be too much like that last one, too nice for his own good, so nice that she felt that one of two things would happen, 1) she would somehow explode from her desire to be not-so-nice around him, or 2) he would eventually revert back to the purely bad behavior she knew about in his past.

But this one. Oh, he came across as nice and innocent, but, then, she also comes across that way.

They are two misunderstood people living in a world that has been cruel. He's given in to more cynicism than she has. She still believes that everything will turn out okay.

She believes that when she's most in denial.

She turns to look at him and smiles at the sight of his face. She's come to accept and appreciate that this is the face she'll be seeing throughout her life. She also looks at that face and thinks, "Who are you? Where did you come from?"

He senses her stare, reaches across the car and takes her hand.

She continues to smile at him, then turns to stare out the car window, thinking, "I don't know you at all."

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

How Many Times

In the last week, I have started to count, though not really keep track of, the number of moments when I realize that I would like to say the words, "I love you." I'm not talking about times when I would like to say it for the first time. No, I am counting the times I would like to say it if we were already saying it to each other.

For example:
*When he made pretzels, without being asked, to take to my parents' house for dinner
*When he felt comfortable enough with my friends to spend an entire evening with them
*When he asks if I want him to drive
*When I go to sleep at night
*When he leaves in the morning

I'll have to be careful, because I've started saying it to him, in my head, or just mouthing the words after his eyes are closed, or after he closes the door. Perhaps one time the words will just slip out of my mouth, unannounced. Perhaps I won't mind.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

As the Night Sky Passes By

Don't you worry,

As you concentrate on driving down this dark freeway,

As the night sky passes by, I'll sit here quietly,

Loving you.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Take Down

My latest mostly-autobiographical story is posted at LTR.com. If it's not the first post, look for "The Take Down" in "Dating & Relationships."

Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Truth

I find it fascinating how we can get so caught up in a moment, that we can entirely lose sight of everything else that matters. In convincing myself that I need to be "present" when I am with him, rather than thinking about some far off future, I neglect to be present in other areas of my life.

In the past, I forgot what it meant to be involved in a day-to-day relationship with a man. I really thought it was me who forced the marriage talk, and I made a deal with myself not to bring it up for a couple of days. I quickly realized that it had never been me who was caught up in the possibility of a future together. I stopped completely, and this man couldn't even begin to think about not talking about it. So, I realized how important it is for both people in the relationship to be in the present.

So, check that off my list. I'm in the present with him. I'm so far in the present that I can hardly bring myself to ask a question about tomorrow, let alone next month, next year, the rest of our lives.

And that's okay.

The ability to see into the future together will come in time. Now, I really do want to experience whatever I can. The future will take care of itself.