Thursday, December 21, 2006

Forgetful Fog

It was one of those days that makes a woman forget who she is.

After days of unseasonably warm temperatures, she awoke to a cold, foggy, truly wintery day. And no surprise there, as it was the first official day of winter. She stayed in bed as long as possible, with the covers pulled up around her neck, snuggled deep into the blankets.

She thought about him, because he's what occupied her thoughts most of the time now, anyway.

She realized that she'd woken several hours earlier to find his back to her. She'd kissed him, but he hadn't moved. She vaguely remembered that he had lane side by side with her for a bit, but when he'd left just after dawn, there were none of the usual smiles and playful kisses. Something was definitely wrong.

She shook her head to get rid of the negative thoughts. She scrunched down as far as she could into the warm, cozy blankets. Her cat gave a disgruntled meow at the movement and curled up closer to her body.

"It's fine. Everything's fine." She told herself, but she knew differently.

She'd gone to bed in a happy mood. She'd gone to sleep with him beside her and woken to find that, this time, his absence seemed to mean something more.

"No, stop thinking about yourself. He has his own problems, and they don't all result in him leaving you." She chided herself for always thinking that when someone seemd out of sorts that it had something directly to do with her.

Still, in the dreary early morning light, she forgot that she was a woman in love and settled into being a woman scorned, a woman abandoned in favor of smoother pathways. She was not, by any means, a woman who was easy to handle. She made demands; she faltered at communication.

It seemed easy that he would leave her. Not that he wouldn't struggle with the decision, but on a day like this, on a foggy, dreary day like this, it seemed that the only possible decisions were sad ones.

Who could be happy on a day like today?

And then, she realized suddenly, she could name the feelings with which she had awoken.

For the first time in months, she woke up feeling alone.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow...this is so powerful..and so lke a man...faint of heart, a dog stealing something to eat from a garbage can only to run when he hears the lid crash down on the some men, warmth is something that sends them running into the dark...the fog...or anything...wonderful capture of something every woman will know if she hasn't known on the path of living and loving.